I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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