my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
