Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
