Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
