I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
