she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
