remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
