Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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