I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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