What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
