Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
