why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this boner is exhausting
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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