Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
