I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
