Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
