He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
