Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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