Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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