I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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