The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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