i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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