So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
