Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
