pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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