I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
