paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
