Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
