I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
