the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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