I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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