Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
