I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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