your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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