so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
