I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
