I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
