You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
