you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
