I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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