I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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