Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
