You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
