is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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