i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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