i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
