party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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