i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
