Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
