So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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