only if we run a train.
done.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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