yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
